Learning to be faithful with the small things

These years since I've moved back to my hometown and chose to work in this field again, I feel like everything is crumbling apart. Guilt, regret, anxiety, condemnation is just so real and makes me think I have no future here, I am stagnant, I am unworthy, I am stupid, my circle become smaller. And those all make me think that is okay this is the end of me. I cross my line, I am so ungrateful, thing starts to go down. I complain a lot. So hard to not sin right now. My smile is just a mask.

I think I think too much. I know. Real life gets me exhausted sometimes. And fake friends give me anxiety.

I know that life is not a competition. And for me, number is important but they are not my priority as long as I am happy. These days, majority of people do believe, think, and see life as a competition. Therefore, in friendship, in workplace, in family, we experience betrayal, we got back stabbed, we got accused and other heart breaking situations. I know how it feels. Life is never fair, life is never kind. It won't ever be. Do not fall into the trap, the entitlement trap, of feeling you are a victim. You are not. Just because you don't have parents who support you, like they support your siblings doesn't mean you are unworthy, just because you don't make much money doesn't mean you stupid.

We just need to strive to be just and moral.

and through this, I realize maybe the root of the problem might be because we do not appreciate what's in our hands and we always compare and look to what in other's people hands. Comparison is a thief of joy, and I totally agree with that. Because many times we are jealous with others who seems to have a better job, better family, better house, better community, and you name it. We lost our self. we won't find happiness.

It doesn't matter how many friends that I have, it doesn't matter how many people who like me, it doesn't matter how much money I'm making. It doesn't matter how many jobs I have. I don't really care. Because through the years I learn that when I am faithful to the small things, the number will follow. When I stop comparing and start focusing to work on what's in my hands, everything will start follow.

And I believe everyone has their own story and gift, and your gift will be different with mine. There are things that you can do a lot better than me so embrace your gift, work on it be faithful to it I'm sure you'll have an amazing story to tell. I have my own story and my own gift and I know there's limit to what I can carry in my two hands. And if today  I can only carry small things, I am learning to be faithful with the small things.

God's Grace found me when I am at the end of my rope. Grace caught me when I was running away. Grace healed me.